Stole this idea, thought I'd give it a shot here.
This weekly article is called "The Morning After," as it's published after the weekend's games have been played, not because of the regrets the journalist has after a night of heavy drinking and drug abuse which totally never happens. Some of this weekly article may shock, some of it may offend, but hopefully all of it will be amusing from week to week.
THE BAKER'S DOZEN
1. Steelers (7-0) – The only undefeated team in GZL. Not only have they been winning, but they’ve been outscoring opponents by an average of 12PPG!
2. Packers (7-1) – Sure they lost to the Chiefs last week, but bounced back with a sound defeat of the Lions. Matt Schaub felt responsible for their only loss and bounced back with a fantastic game to put them right back in the driver’s seat of the NFC playoff race.
3. Giants (5-2) – JP hates not being #1 but that’s what happens when your team starts 0-2. Have won their last 5 and are tough to beat right now. Look for their Week 9 matchup against Dallas Cowboys to be a high scoring affair.
4. Raiders (5-3) – 2nd hottest team in the league with 4 consecutive wins in a row including a good old whooping of the Andrew Luck (less) Chiefs.
5. Seahawks (5-2) – Split the series against division rival Cardinals and Cam Newton has thrown for 4 TDs 0 INTs in the last 3 games. Rumors are they’re making changes to the team to give their QB another weapon, stay tuned!
6. Bills (5-2) – Would be ranked higher had they not lost to the Texans, Broncos and barely escape with a bullshit (there, I said it!) victory in Baltimore. They beat Giants and Cowboys, so I’ll cut them some slack.
7. Cardinals (5-2) – NFC West division leaders with a 3-1 intra-div record. Mario Manningham’s loss doesn’t seem to be affecting this team much as Julio Jones is carrying the load. The rest of their schedule looks to be average at best, so winning this division should be a breeze at this pace.
8. Titans (4-3) – Can’t choose who the worst of the best are, so I’ll give it my best shot. Despite losing Henderson for a good 4-5 weeks, they managed to stay in the playoff hunt. However, with the loss of WR Britt for the entire season, they better stay focused and work extra hard to get to the next round. Henderson’s latest outing doesn’t bode any confidence but I’ll let this slide once.
9. Broncos (4-3) – Started a Punter at QB in Week 1 but have managed to gain traction in the past few weeks, beating some solid-good teams. Oakland Raiders are coming into town this week, let’s see which brother is the better coach.
10. Buccaneers (4-3) – Would be ranked higher if it weren’t for losing to some decent teams and beating up on the weaker ones. The schedule gets tougher and we’ll see if AF can get his team to start performing like they are capable of.
11. Colts (4-3) – They’ve already managed to win more games through week 8 than all of last season and for that, #11 is a consolation prize. On a more serious note, they have beaten a few solid teams along the way.
12. Jaguars (5-3) – Leading their division and still behind the Colts??? Yes, this team should and would be ranked higher but none of their victories so far (other than the Titans) are worth mentioning. It could be partly due to high expectations after so many failed seasons.
Considerations: Browns, Saints, Redskins.
NUMBER OF THE WEEK 17
Number of teams with less than $1million in cap room!
WEEKLY ROTTEN EGG AWARD - OLB Arthur Parker
You pansy, man up and get back out there! You don't retire at 29 in this league, ya wuss!
WEEKLY TONY ROMO AWARD - Matthew Tebow
Following the pattern of his older brother (Tim Tebow), he did everything as asked….by the opposing defense.
IDIOT OF THE WEEK - Ben Harbinger
You came in last offseason and tore up the team for a 3 year path to the Superbowl. Exactly one year later, you trade away your Superstar QB and potentially the other two Superstars on your team, are you on crack?
QUOTE OF THE WEEK - Tim Tebow
"I just don’t know what the hell is going on! How the hell could he cut me? I don’t care who Eli Manning is, or who he thinks he is. I have GOD on my side and when God is your side, you can do great things. All you gotta do is believe.”
FREE AGENT OF THE WEEK - CB Chris Carr
It seems like a lot of teams are gearing up for the playoffs and we all know good talent at certain positions is hard to get. Carr has decent height, solid awareness and good acceleration. While his speed and strength are mediocre at best, he will be a great 4th CB and possibly a decent 3rd CB in case of injury.
RECOMMENDATION OF THE WEEK - Discount Tire Direct
Everyone needs a new set of tires at some point, I suggest going to this site and taking advantage of this offer. They have some good brands and also price match if you find it cheaper elsewhere! Plus, they'll ship it directly to your house or a tire shop of your choice.